Psalm 62:5-6 “My soul, wait in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him.6 He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.”
I had a friend ask me, “How do you depend on God more and yourself less?” How do you depend on God on a daily basis, especially when you feel you are capable of handling the problems that arise during the course of of the day on your own.
My response was that depending on God comes from a deep down assurance that He is enough. That through and through belief that no matter what, He is God and that is all you need. That confidence doesn’t come easily though. It comes in the pain of having everything stripped away until you are left with nothing. No strength of your own. No power or ability to handle it.
June 17th, 2014 started like any other Tuesday. I woke and texted my husband who was traveling in the United Kingdom. “The kids are leaving in a half hour. Call if you can talk before they leave.”
Immediately the phone rang. The connection was poor and in the short two minute conversation I got the gist of it. He was at the hospital, they suspected a pulmonary embolism. (Blood clots in his lungs) His phone was dying and he had no charger with him.
I cried out to God on behalf of my husband, fighting the urge to panic. I clung to Psalm 62. (See post, Be Still my Soul)
“God,” I prayed, “I need you to be my rock, my fortress, I am clinging to you and I believe I will not be moved.”
Shorty after returning home I was included on an email my husband sent to his boss. He did indeed have a pulmonary embolism and would be being transferred to another hospital and admitted.
I sat at my desk feeling more alone than I ever had in my life. My husband was in London. I couldn’t even talk to him on the phone. I was alone and scared and I couldn’t fix this. I couldn’t be with my husband, I couldn’t help him. I was at the end of myself. Feeling weak and worn, I prayed, “God, I know you are here with me, but I need someone with skin on to help me.”
I cried for God to help me. And He did.
I called my mom and mother-in-law who were both supportive and encouraging. My mom offered to leave work and drive the two hours immediately to be with me. I assured I wanted her to stay at work and we would trust God to provide. She prayed with me and promised to continue to uphold us in prayer. My mother-in-law’s first words were, “Well, we know God is good.” What faith from two precious Godly women. My Pastor prayed with me and we decided it was best to tell the children before it became public when we asked for prayer.
I needed to drive to the church and tell the children. I again prayed and asked God for help. A simple drive to the church seemed insurmountable at that moment. Within a minute I heard the ping of a text go off. My friend, whom I had sent a text to earlier that morning, had just checked her phone. I updated her and her immediate response was “Did I want a ride to my kids?” Um – yes! She came and stayed with me that morning, taking me to talk with my kids, to lunch and to get groceries. She stayed with me until I was ready to go home.
God didn’t leave me in my alone-ness. He sent people in my exact moment of need. He was my rock, my fortress and my strong tower. I was not shaken that day or any of the days that followed. God showed up over and over again through many people in the days that followed. There were phone calls, texts, emails, and a friend driving 40 minutes on way to drop off a chocolate cake (my favorite) and a hug.
I felt a calm and peace surround me. I knew hundreds of people all over the world were praying and while I didn’t know the outcome of this medical emergency, I knew God was enough. I was able to confidently continue my responsibilities here at home, with the children and in ministry. I knew I was not functioning on my own strength. I knew it was God.
2 Cor. 12:10 “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
My foot never slipped. I never faltered.
My husband received excellent care overseas and was able to return home on his regularly scheduled flight. We are so thankful for the answers to prayers in protecting my husband during that time. I’m also so thankful the trials we face for with no rain, there would be no rainbow. The journey of hearing to believing is often a painful one, but in the end it’s always worth walking that path. For me, walking this road means that I now know – that I know – that God is enough. Always. Praise His name.
James 1:2-4 “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”