When I don’t trust God

A few years, as a homeschool mom, I convinced myself I should teach not one but two history curriculums in one year. I was afraid if we only used one there would be gaps in my kids’ education. As I was puzzling over my options, a wiser, more experienced homeschool mom assured me that one history curriculum was more than enough for a year.

Fast forward to their junior year in high school. We enrolled both kids in our local high school where they took all their classes at the local college and graduated top of their class.  The other night as my husband and I were boxing up the books to sell, we agreed if we had it to do all over again we would relax more and laugh more. Everything worked out just fine.

But, as I sit here in the new season of our lives, I find a new set of things to be anxious about. Which colleges are the best? What degree should they get? Are their choices leading to the best life possible? Because that’s what a good Mama does, right?

I bustle around as if my child’s success is dependent on my choices, actions, and endless worrying. Why? If I’m honest, it’s because I don’t trust them or God to handle things. Ouch. The green pride oozing out of that last sentence burns.

If I’m honest, it’s because I don’t trust them or God to handle things

 

God —their Creator loves them more than I. He knows their thoughts and hearts, while I only know what they share with me. God, is not defined by time, knowing all their yesterdays and all their tomorrows. And yet I sit afraid to trust because everything might not work out “right.” According to Nancy.

Surrender

I’ve fought surrender for many years. The fear of not being in control felt like a prison sentence. But I wonder, is surrender the greatest gift we are given? You might say salvation is the greatest gift, and I agree. But, aren’t we talking about the same thing? God who draws us to himself at salvation is willing to guide and direct us through life.

Surrender is letting God lead by not needing controlling the outcome. It comes from a place of love and trust, not fear.  I recently heard that rest is a form of worship because while we sleep we are trusting God to handle life.

I am humbled and awed that God, the one who made the universe, is working all things for good. Why do I fight that? Why do I work hard for God’s or man’s approval instead of resting in God’s purposes and plans?

 


God, I see now that my desire to make everything work out perfectly comes from a place of fear –fear of disappointing others or you. I need your drawing and enabling power to increase and abound my love. I recognize I am powerless to do this and I believe you can. Would you work in me what is pleasing in your sight? Thank you that I am your child and that you put a desire in me to trust and live from a place of love, not fear. To God be all glory forever. Amen.


How about you? Do you have a hard time trusting others? God? Is there an area of your life you need to stop trying to control the outcome?

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4 Comments on "When I don’t trust God"

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Heather Erickson
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This is an encouraging word for me as I approach the school year with my own set of anxieties. I have one student entering her 4th year in college (Yay!). I have one who’s going to start her last year of homeschooling. That’s the year I really pile it on so that college feels easy. My third daughter is brilliant but difficult. She has Asperger’s and every year is a struggle. I want to be able to foster a natural curiosity and love of learning in her, but every year, I fall flat on my face. I find that the… Read more »
Kelly Griffiths
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What struck me about your post is that, no matter how many times we’re delivered from our anxieties, we move into new anxieties! You got that right. May we be faithful to trust God. Your kiddos graduated top of the class in their public high school. Someone reading this might think you still meant homeschool, which would make them tops by default!

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