Some people aspire to be doctors or lawyers, but not me. Ever since I was a child I dreamed of being a mom. But, then came the heart-wrenching years as I prayed and waited, and prayed and waited. I remember the flood of emotions when we received the amazing words to our ears – yes, we were indeed going to have a baby.
In the beginning, I was so worried – if I twisted wrong could hurt this precious gift? I stopped watching TV and listening to country music because I didn’t want anything that wasn’t positive reaching this child’s ears.
I was so relieved when we heard a heart beat and couldn’t wait to go back to each appointment to hear it again. That day – after hearing his heartbeat for the first time, I saw a beautiful rainbow. The next time I heard his heartbeat I again saw another rainbow. To this day, rainbows always are such a special reminder of those love kisses from God.
On of the toughest moments in my life was when our son, Jonathan (gift from God) Michael (who is like the Lord) was born prematurely and needed to be transported to a hospital downtown that was better equipped to deal with his needs. I remember walking the corridor and asking God why He let my worse fear look like it could become a reality. Would He take this boy from me? It was in those dark moments, as I wrestled with God, I choose to believe God was good – all the time. I would choose to trust Him. While I prayed with all my heart for my son to be strong and healthy, I also had peace I hadn’t ever know.
I think in those moments in NICU, I grew more than I had in my whole rest of my life to that point combined. For the first time in my life, I realized life wasn’t about me and my desires. While I’d been married for years, I had a gracious and kind husband who kindly put up with my selfishness.
Fast forward fifteen years. I’m still learning and growing though being a mom. It has been the most difficult and yet most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. There have been ups and downs and I’m thankful for both. It’s in the darkest moments, I’ve grow the most. I thank God daily he heard my cries and answered my prayers. (As a side note, Jonathan is healthy with no complications from being a preemie. And, God doubly blessed us when we were given his miracle sister. But, I’ll save that story for her birthday!)
You have been a blessing to my life and I’m so thankful you are our son. You have a kind and compassionate heart. It’s been so much fun watching you develop into the man you are becoming. I can’t believe you will be able to drive in six months. I am proud of your passion with drawing, guitar and sports. You are doing well in school and it’s a privilege to be a part of your life and your education. You think deeply and ask lot of questions and I think that will serve you well in life. I pray for you every day and can’t wait to see how the next fifteen years turn out. I would have never guessed the last would have gone so fast – and I’m sure the next will too. That’s why I want to pause and let you know I’m so proud of you. I love you with my whole heart. Happy Birthday, Son.